Dear Hallmark,

You're killing me. I blame you and American Greetings for the insanity that is Valentine's Day.

According to the Wikipedia entry on the holiday, the U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that about 1 billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second-largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase about 85 percent of all valentines.

Well, I'm not one of those women. Sure, you make it awfully tempting, with cards for parents, siblings and those new PRODUCT (RED) cards for a cause I am happy to support. This year, I didn't buy any cards (even though I have one of your Crown Rewards cards and could've received 100 bonus points with any three-card purchase in February).

To me, Valentine's Day is just like any other day of the year, but it wasn't always that way. As a child, my mom would always leave cards and gifts for me and my sister. It was usually something small -- a pin or a bracelet -- in pink or red. And when my sister was away at graduate school, I sent a funny card and a little something so she knew I was thinking about her.

You see, I'm not totally opposed to the holiday. I just have a few problems with it.

First, why is it so important to set aside a day to celebrate that special someone in your life? If you've got a special someone, shouldn't you be celebrating every day? Why is this day different from all other days? (Oops, wrong spring holiday.)

Second, there's a lot of chocolate. Yes, women love chocolate. But receiving chocolate is a double-edged sword. We can eat it and show that, yes, we love it, or we can forego it and show that, yes, we have self-control. In a twist on the usual candy gift, on the way into work this morning, I saw a young boy walking to school hand off a small chocolate-filled heart to the female crossing guard as he made he way across the street. That had to be the cutest Valentine's Day gesture I've ever seen.

Third, it's great for you to be proud to have someone and feel that you want to shout it from the rooftop. But you don't really have to actually shout it from the rooftop. Or, hang a bedsheet from the side of the overpass so people on the interstate are aware that "I (heart) Kyran" at 7:30 a.m. Unless Kyran is going to pass under the bedsheet, it's a fairly silly way to show your affection. And it begs the question: What kind of name is Kyran?

Finally, why do some people not realize that this holiday was completely perpetuated by you and your co-conspirators in the chocolate and floral industries? Certain co-workers of mine wished people "Happy Valentine's Day" to each person they saw, as if they were saying "Happy Birthday" or "Happy New Year." It just struck me as odd. If I'm not your valentine, why are you sharing such a sentiment with me?

Well, that's about all I've got to say on today's topic. Right now, I've got to go dig into my bag of conversation hearts.